While on Monday, I used the image of my life before as a house of cards, when talking about the first year of my restory, sifting through ashes is a far better image.
What do you do when life’s burned down around you? What do you do when you’re 36, divorced, a single parent, unemployed with a now-worthless master’s degree, buried in debt, and are living in your parents’ basement?
What Others Suggested
The typical reaction to what’s next included a checklist of basics:
- Find a job … any job.
- Get an apartment so you can live on your own.
- Start your new life.
Why I Didn’t Do What Others Suggested
While there was a certain appeal to just pulling myself up and rebuilding on the ashes of my old life, something held me back.
If life before was a house of cards, a life that lacked a solid foundation, a life that was more about balancing and concealing dysfunction than pursing and embracing health, then what would prevent me from repeating all the same mistakes in my new life?
I wanted something more for my future. Something better. Something healthy.
What I Decided to Focus On
While I did look for work in the months that followed, my focus wasn’t so much on the idea of a new career as it was sustaining myself. I wanted to pay my bills, spend time with my son, and clean up the ashes of my life.
If I found something long-term in the process, that would be great, but it wasn’t the goal. If I was able to live on my own, that would be great, but it wasn’t the goal. If I started to live my new life, again, that would be great, but it wasn’t the goal.
Instead, I had a number of questions that I needed to answer:
- What does a healthy life look like? How about healthy relationships with others?
- How far away was I from health?
- Where can I find the resources that will help me move towards health?
For me, 2011, was a year of defining and preparing myself for health. It was a year of cleaning up the ashes.
As 2010 closed, I had my dream for 2011. I knew what I wanted on the other side of my cave. Just what happened is for posts to come.
Your Turn
Have you ever had a season in life that focused on cleaning up ashes? What did that look like for you?
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I didn’t mean to comment on this but the form was already filled out for me. Getting back to “health” is a major undertaking and finding the strength to do it is a sign that we are able to find the health we are looking for no matter how long it takes. Forgiveness is the hardest and then from there it gets easier
Amen! Forgiving both others and yourself, followed by being honest about what isn’t healthy.